I’m thinking of Chris Cornell, mourning HIS loss. That he can’t share the life of his loved ones any longer. Especially can’t support and protect his kids. That he misses spending time with his family and friends. And misses making music with his bandmates.
Unfortunately, I don’t think that he has found peace yet. I believe he desperately wants to turn back time. To undo the incidents of May 17. I believe in the immortality of souls and that CC is still “hovering”, being close to his loved ones in order to comfort them. Sadly, I believe that he is blaming himself for the pain everybody is suffering right now. I want to tell him: you were only human. And human beings make mistakes.
I don’t know what happened on May 17. Sometime before the show in Detroit CC must have felt the need to take those prescription drugs. Maybe he didn’t feel up to the show due to anxiety. And he certainly didn’t want to disappoint the crowd and cancel the show. Unfortunately, the drugs effected his performance on stage. At times he was so heavily sedated that he could hardly keep his eyes open. Knowing that CC always wanted to give his all when being on stage, I think he was deeply unhappy with his performance. Angry with himself.
Obviously he was so upset that he took another dose of lorazepam after the show. I can assure you that with 4 mg of lorazepam (+ some barbiturate) running in your system, you are no longer able to think clearly. And in your darkest hours you can lose hope and strength. When you are afraid that you disappointed everybody. Disappointed your fans and your bandmates by not being up to your game. Disappointed your wife by taking too many drugs. In your weakest moments and under the influence of these drugs you might fear to lose the respect, trust and love of those who are dearest to you. And these thoughts and feelings can cause tremendous pain. More pain than you are able to bear in this weakened state of mind, so that you are tempted to do anything to escape the pain.
I am convinced that CC never meant to take his life. And that just a couple of hours later, after no longer being under the influence, he would have sought another course of action. Maybe he would have cancelled the next show or even the rest of the tour if he wasn’t up to it. Maybe he would have checked into a hospital. He definitely would have talked to his wife and his friends.
I want to tell CC: more than you need your family and friends to forgive you for making tragically wrong judgements, you need to forgive yourself for leaving them behind. Don’t be so hard on yourself: you were only human.